Dugans InCahoots

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36 Days!

Sorry Guys.

You thought that I was going to tell didn’t you ?

I love our baby’s name. I am SO excited for the day when I get  to say it out loud. Want to guess what it is?

I am guessing that this baby is a thumb sucker by the way she has her little fists in my uterus. Either she craves some thumb or she is knocking to get out. It is a bizzare feeling. She also needs to get her nails trimmed. I am a little worried her cute little face is being scratched up due to a serious need for a manicure! I am curious to know if we will see hair on her head during our ultrasound next week. I have never had one done before this late in the game (will almost be 36 weeks next week), so I am so curious to see what it is going to be like. And I am excited to just see her.

We have been having fun with these guys around.

Their mom had to go out of town for a few days, so we get to have them here. It has been a blast so far. Very crazy and fun. I think that Bella and Caleb are going to be super sad when they go home. Aren’t they just cute?

These pictures (unedited) were a bit dissapointing. For one it is hard to get pictures of kids at a park. They were running all over the place, ignoring my lens, and avoiding ME for the most part. Sweet Emily was my only exception. That girl LOVES to have her picture taken. I was however trying to put some of the theory I have been studying this week into practice, and just wasn’t quick enough setting the camera to what I needed, when I needed it to. I am not giving up though. Practice makes perfect.

Thanks for all of your sweet encouragements and prayers. I had a good cry this morning with Michael, a good time with God, and now I feel refreshed and ready to go another day. Please don’t stop praying for us, I think that this is just the begining to a long process.

Just had to remind myself of that.

What a hard week it has been.

I have been waiting for it to happen. Not sure how wise it is to actually wait for culture shock.

But I knew that it was in store for me at some point, let’s just say I was expecting it sooner or later.

Preferred Never. Didn’t actually have a choice though.

Because it is here. I feel it’s sensations gripping my already over hormonal body. Making that already hormonal body extra tired. A little sad. A bit overwhelmed. A hint of lonliness, and a trace of  confusion fills my heart. Sigh. I choke back a few tears, and press on. For the first time, I found myself wanting to be back in the USA. Not forever. Just a short stay, cruise Target, embrace my favorite people, go to church,  feel human again… possibly take a bath?

I have to admit that being pregnant AND being a bit sickly pregnant AND being in a different country is taking a bit out of me. I am wading through this all, and I need God to sustain me. And I need your prayers.

I know that culture shock won’t stay forever. I just have to get through it.

I’m not very good at reading manuals and such. I would rather just dive into something, and figure things out as I go along. I am finding that this technique only kinda works for photography. So I have been sucking it up, and reading. Boring.

I was however recommended to take 20 minutes a day with my Mr. Nikon, pick one subject, and play. So bear with me because over the next few months ( years) I will be posting my 20 minute practice. My goal is to shoot great photos, without always having to edit the photo. Don’t get me wrong, editing is fun because you have so much control over the end product, and I hope to be able to invest one day in a fancy editing program. But I also want to be able to rely on my own knowledge and “talent” to produce a picture that is beautiful, unique, and breathtaking.  Not as easy as it looks. I was pleased with these though. I took abut 80 pics, and these were my favorites!

Yesterday we went to visit our  a Dr. I’ll get into that further down but first let me share some fun facts about my baby girl.

She is estimated to be around 4 1/2 lbs. But in weeks she is still measuring a bit smaller than her due date. No problem there. She may just be a tiny baby, or she may pack on the lbs like her big brother did in the last remaining weeks. He was 8lbs 8oz. Lets hope she is just a smaller baby for my sake! Oh how excited we are to meet her!

She is head down. Which is awesome! Please stay there baby girl. “No flips, just headstands like we talked about!” But she hasn’t dropped at all. Which kinda surprised me. One of the reasons I was suspecting early labor impending ( other than that disgusting mess we won’t talk about), was that I was so sure she had dropped down lower, in second/third pregnancies this happens just before labor starts. So it looks like we are in for the normal wait- which for now is ok with me. I’d rather her be safe, healthy, and strong than to be freed from the bowling ball around my middle. Miss C remains undilated, aren’t you all happy you know that now! I couldn’t be happier with how this aren’t progressing. Nothing scares me more than a premi baby, especially here in Brazil, where I don’t know what to expect. I have gained a total of 18lbs so far. How did I do that? I am still smaller than I was with Bella Bell, but 6 lbs heavier than I was with Caleb. Strange.

So the Dr. visit.

This isn’t my first time being pregnant overseas. For most of my pregnancy with Caleb I was in Paraguay and seen by a Paraguayn Dr.  Which basically meant every month or so I would go in for an ultrasound, the dr. would review the pictures, give me a thumbs up ( after making sure that I was indeed taking my prenatals) and then she would send me on my way. I was never physically examined, and only had the initial labs done. Peice of cake.

I think that I was expecting a happy medium between the USA and Paraguay. But instead I think that I am finding that the way a baby is born here, is much more intense than in the USA. ( more on that for a different post) But this could be because I have had normal pregnancies in the USA, I was not high risk, and I delivered with midwifes in a beautiful birthing center. My perception, I realize is limited to my own experiences.

Anyways it turns out we can’t afford the fancy dr. in the big city, with the big fancy hospital. Too bad, since I really really liked the hospital. But I could do without that dr. anyways. Her personality was kind, and you could tell that she was very intelligent but she was a bit too rough for me. To put it bluntly, it was the most shocking, and painful physical examination that I have ever experienced before. I almost asked for an epidural right then and there! Michael was with me ( as my trusty translator), and he said that even he was shocked with how gentle she was not. Horrifying to say the least.

 When we found out the prices, we left without asking any of the questions we had, since we knew we would have to look elsewhere. I was ( and am still) a bit discouraged. When we first began talking about having a third baby, our departure date was far enough away that we would be able to have the baby in USA. As time went on, and we weren’t pregnant, we prayed about having a baby here in Brazil instead. I was comforted in being told that giving birth in Brazil is like giving birth in the USA. Not much different.

Not exactly true. But I still remember the peace God gave both Michael and I when we asked him for another child. I even in the midst of being disappointed, cling to that. I know that God is with us, and I know in the end it will be ok. But right now, in a weird way, I feel like I am mourning what I can’t have here.

So far, giving up so much of my USA lifestyle, has been easy. I would consider myself  fairly adaptable to new situations, and the things I really really miss, I know that they won’t be gone forever. ( independence, friends, etc) As for material wants: Starbucks, Chipoltle, and Target will make it here one day right?

Anyways, giving up my ideal birth for my third baby. Not so easy.

Notice that I said MY ideal. I don’t think that either country has the better way of doing things. Both countries are advanced in medical care, and I know that what I am feeling has to do with preferences, not what is safest. What I have a hard time adjusting to may seem petty to some. And I admit, that when lil bean is here, I too may think that I was over emotional for no reason. BUT the feelings are real. And I am trying my best to sift through it all.

Early next week I am going to see a new Dr. and visit a new hospital. This Dr. happens to be male- I’ve never had a male OB- BUT he has got to be a bit more sensitive than the Dr. I saw last night! I have actually seen him deliver 2 babies before! Weird story. Ask me about it sometime. My friend at church thinks very highly of him, and enjoyed her experience at the hospital. It is much much cheaper going through this Dr. I am praying that it will work out.

One of the highlights of all of this is that we get to have not one, but TWO more ultrasounds done. Just the way they do things here. I am excited- I’d never pass up an opportunity to see my baby girl !

And now totally unrelated. Some new pics of my babes and their friend JV.

Today was a very exciting day. I woke up to a certain warm wet feeling.

No. My water didn’t break.

Instead my little love bug decided to let go all over me.” Thanks for snuggling with me Mommy, oh and here is a present for you”

That caused me to jump out of bed faster than I have been able to in a long time. Making our day very pro active. Dressed before breakfast, laundry started, and rooms began to take shape.

ahem. I ended up working my butt off for oh, 10 hours today. But finally. Finally clothes are clean, sorted and put away. Rooms are more organized and happier. Ok – maybe just I am a bit happier. The kids are bathed and put to bed. Let it be known that even I braved the cold and showered. Husband just walked in the door. Satisfaction reigns. I just need to mop the floors, and work on Caleb’s room. Tomorrow.

Bella did accuse me of losing my patience with her, more than once today. And threatened to tell her Daddy ALL about it when he came home. She even vowed to stay awake all night until he came home, so she would be sure to remember.

Status: Baby girl is fast asleep.

I did lose my patience however when Caleb threw his pants in the trash because he thought it would be funny.

Not funny.

I’m not going to tell you all that I lost a bit of my mucus plug either. Because that would be disgusting. And I don’t tell you all everything. I don’t. Cause if I did, I would tell you that:

Google is becoming my best friend. Right away I  googled I lost my mucus plug. The concensus says that NO, I am not going to go into early/pre term labor. ( or in my case now – late preterm labor- they actually have a name for that!) No it doesn’t mean that anything down under is happening. But it could grow back, so I just may be lucky enough to experience all that again in a few weeks. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

I never experienced that side of pregnancy with Bella or Caleb. Tonight I took a moment and leafed through their birth stories in their journals. Unfortuently I don’t have any dramatic horrible stories to share. But both of them were amazing in their own ways. Beautiful. I can’t wait to write little beans birth story. But I will have to wait- because it is too early for us to be thinking she will come.

I suppose I have been a little concerned about pre late  early whatever term labor. One might say to trust a mother’s intuition. But you can’t trust mine. I am known to be a bit of a hypochondriac AND my intuition to put it blankly SUCKS. I am the woman that spent hundreds of dollars on pregnancy tests because I was positive that THIS time I was pregnant. Nope.

My mom did have me at 34 weeks though. She barely made it to the hospital in time. Sitting on a stretcher with her tight blue jeans half on, and trendy cowboy boots, she herself caught me as I zoomed out! The doctor was in the adjoint room washing her hands. So I guess I do have some reason for concern. I went home very healthy, at the normal 3 days later though. A mere 4lbs and something. Peanut was my nickname.

Well my friends, my back is hurting like I must have walked up and down a flight of stairs  at least 50 times today. Oh wait… I did. Time to snuggle in bed with my hubby ( don’t worry the sheets are clean) and watch a movie. Night!

I figured when one was nesting that would mean that she would have a ton of energy too. Not true for me.

Yes I am looking around my home desiring to organize, sanatize, and CLEAN up every nick and cranny. But everytime I get moments into it I have to sit my big mama butt back down, breathless. I am trying to determine if this “nesting” desire stems just from my unorganized house OR the fact that baby bean is on it’s last stretch in my uterus. Either way the results are positive. Today I managed to sort through most of the kids clothes, keep only what was necessary, and put away the rest. All five of us are sharing one wardrobe, and one dresser. Clothes are begining to cramp up our lifestyle. So time to purge. Tomorrow I hope to do the same with mine and Michael’s clothing… we will see! I am also determined to sort through the kids toys, and put them up high out of little hands who like to dump their toys instead of play with them. I have come to the conclusion that their play needs to be a bit more controlled, otherwise I will NEVER escape the mess. Since the evidence of mouse families are on our floors, I want to have everything up and off of the floor. No more storing things under the bed, at least until the little monsters are dead. I have a ton of work ahead of me, especially since we have very limited places to put things.

I also picked out the babes “right after being born outfit”‘, and going home outfit. I am debating whether or not to pack it all into a bag, but it seems a bit early. My intuition thinks that she is going to come out earlier than her due date. But with these things one never knows for sure! I have been feeling alot of pressure, and stabs from downsouth. But when I googled my concern I found that it is normal, and doesn’t always warrant an early arrival. Bummer. I have been having braxton hicks contractions more often too, I actually like these BH. They are suppose to be getting my body ready for the big party. I am not too excited about the festa – but very excited about the present. It is funny, I have spent so much time being sick, that I kinda forgot why. Now that I am feeling much better, I am over the moon estatic that we are going to have another little Dugan Bambino around.

On Wednesday we are going to meet our doctor. I am both excited about this meeting and nervous. Even though this is my third baby. It kinda feels like my first. I don’t know what to expect, and from what I have heard of  Brazil’s methods of doing things, they do things differently than the USA. Part of me just wants to have the baby at home ( not realistic), part of me wants to run back to the USA to deliver ( also not realistic), part of me just wants to have a c-section ( seems easier- but I have heard it’ is over all more painful- so again – hopefully NOT an option) , and part of me just wants to be able to accept Brazilian ways and go with the flow ( which is actually my ONLY option! I just have to suck it up!) But on Wednesday I will have a better idea of what to expect, what things can be negotiated, and what is just standard policy that I can’t avoid. I hope that she checks to see how I am doing too. I am really interested in knowing what position baby bean is in. Hopefully head down where she belongs! I also hope that I like this Dr. !

My oldest two are doing very well these days. Bella has seemed to snap out of her whining phase, just when Caleb decided to enter into it!  Today we looked at a preschool we are thinking of putting them into 1/2 a day, twice a week. They need more exposure to the language, they need friends their ages, and they need something to do. These days they have been tearing the walls apart with boredom. Caleb has been a little curious monkey, into EVERYTHING, and I am close to tearing my hair out! For the most part Bella and Caleb are great friends. Just today, outside the school, I overheard this conversation:

Bella: We are going to go to this school Caleb. But Mama can only come with us for a little bit.

Caleb: That’s ok Bella. Everything is going to be fine. It’s going to be ok.

I love, love, love that Caleb is reasurring his Big sister. So so sweet.

Michael and I are still figuring things out here, and seem to be making more progress. We have to keep reminding ourselves to take it easy a bit, and be satisfied with where we are at right now. When I look back at all that has been done in the past 2 months, I am shocked that so much has been accomplished already! I just praise God that He brought us here. I love Brazil. I love knowing that this is where God wants us. I love being able to serve Him in this capacity. I am looking forward to the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

When my dear friend Sarah handed me a package of crackers to take on the plane back to Brazil last week. You remember the ones Sarah, that your daughter was eyeing hungrily? I ate most of the package at the airport, and tossed the rest in my big grandma purse. When I arrived home, I spent my time soaking up my family, unpacking, celebrating our SIXTH wedding anniversary ( I love you Michael), tearing apart our back room, and getting back to normalicity.

The bag was left unpacked behind my bedroom door. Forgotten.

Until Last night.

If you have been keeping up with us, my last post, casually mentioned our little mice problem.

There is nothing casual about it anymore.

After finding two beginings of nests. A.K.A. – a place where a mama mouse plans on having 20 baby mice in, upon moving our couch/bed in the livingroom, I found our mattress being shredded to peices, among a ton of mouse poop. Lovely.

Don’t worry we are investing in a ton of poison for these animals.

The story of the crackers ends at 3am. I awake to hear a crunching sound. A very loud crunching sound. At first I believed this to be Gabriella or Caleb eating in our room. WHAT? I sit up, and see nothing. The crunching gets louder, and then I remember my Grandma purse! Oh no! I reach for Michael. He isn’t there. He is in the backroom staining. STILL?

I cry out for him, afraid to open the door. He doesn’t hear me. I yell for him again. Still nothing. Finally I scream for him. He comes running, possibly believing that my water broke or something.

I told him to open the door slowly. And to get that Grandma bag OUT of my house.

Now I was imagining atleast 20 mice in that bag. But when he took it outside, only one mouse was gorging on Sarah’s snack, and making itself a little home in my grandma bag. Yuck.

According to Michael, the mouse committed suicide, by flinging itself over the railing. I don’t concur. That mouse can climb. He will be back.

Which is the very reason why I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night. I remembered that delicious banana bread that I snacked on before falling asleep, on my bed. ( forgive me I am 8 months pregnant!) If the mouse can climb walls, surely he can climb up on my bed. Ugh. Then I began thinking of my kids. Did I wash their faces and hands before tucking them in, or would they smell like a yummy snack to some mouse roaming in the middle of the night?

I need help. Seriously.

It’s cold here in Brazil. Very cold. I am not sure what the temp is exactly. But as I sit on my bed, wrapped in a blanket, wearing gloves, 2 sweaters, AND sweatpants, I am freezing. If you look very closely you can see my breath. I am not sure WHY our family chooses these cold places to live, first MN and now southern Brazil. Ugh. Atleast MN had indoor heating…. but I am not going to ponder on that thought for very long… I wonder how much it would cost to put a fireplace in our livingroom???

Speaking of which, it is a HUGE disaster right now! Michael and I have been wanting to change out the carpet downstairs, and put in tile. Given the fact that we have 2.8 kids, carpet, food, milk, children, and Brazil just don’t mix. Also we plan on in the near future converting half off the room into a kitchen so we can stop making a mess in the grandparents kitchen,  have a bit more of our own space since we will most likely be here for a few more years.

Mine and Michael’s interior designing hearts, brainstormed a grand plan. Of course since we don’t have access to cheap stores with major cleareance like IKEA and Home Depot, our plan has many steps and phases.

Phase One: Paint the Walls and change out flooring. Due to budget restrictions, we opted NOT to do the ceramic tile. Instead we are puttting in linoleum in the kitchen area, and carpet in our living area. We figure we can keep the kids food out of the living room. Michael can put in both floorings himself saving us a ton of money. The carpet is going to be grey, and the linoleum is black.  But first we had to paint. Thus being the reason for the chaos. We choose a pale bluish greyish color for the cement walls. And on the opposite walls we choose to stain the wood a dark, almost black tint. Michael and I spent hours yesterday painting, and finally the cement walls are a beautiful color. But it came with a price tag: lack of sleep for my husband ( he stayed up till 3 am to finish it), and a dirty, unorganized mess for me to live with. Yay! You may remember from previous posts just how well I do in chaos…. not so good.

Tonight Michael hopes to stain the wood, and tomorrow lay down the flooring, and white trim. I know it is going to look beautiful. But the mess. Oh the mess. Combine that with the cold, 2 kids, and a fat belly, we got problems!

I am hoping that we will be able to finish painting a few peices of furniture white as well. So the room will look more complete. But then again there is that stinky budget, always getting in my way! ( Did I mention that we found not one, but TWO mouse nests during this process. Oh ick! I am so thankful we found them now- before their little babies invaded my house!)

Phase Two: I want to make curtains for the windows. A pure white. The room has amazing windows, and an amazing view – I am so thankful for the natural light.  I also want to make a new cover for our couch/bed that is in there. Currently it is orange, and somehow doesn’t match my new color scheme. I think Michael and Pat actually have a plan to make a real couch in there that will turn into a double bed. We have tons of people passing through the Dugan home, so the more sleeping space the better.

Phase Three: Buy or make kitchen cabinets. Buy a kitchen sink, a fridge, and a stove. This is the most expensive phase. I joked that for now we could just draw the appliances on the wall with a magic marker until the Real stuff came in. It was funny until Bella took us to heart, and pulled out her markers wanting to help. Don’t worry, disaster was avoided so far. I also would like to paint the kitchen table white, and buy ( or make) black kitchen chairs. I haven’t thought of a accent color yet, but knowing me, red is on the top of the list.

Phase Four: Purchasing all that stuff that is needed to make, and eat food. Like pots and pans, bowls, plates and glasses, silverware, etc etc. I think that I am going to go simple, and buy most of the plates, bowls, coffee cups, a pure white. That way if we ever move, which I do believe will happen one day, they will go with any kitchen.

My personality says lets just do it all now. But of course that isn’t possible. I amtrying to be content and wait. Hard to do when you know what you want and have always had everything accesible to you. I am thankful though that the big parts will be done before baby bean arrives. It is easier to deal with the chaos with her inside my belly, rather than out!

When phase one is finished, I’ll post a picture!!!

Yep- I didn’t take one picture this trip to the USA.

Shame on me. Unbelievable.

This is not to say that I didn’t have a great time.

I loved being there.

Almost as much as I love being back here in Brazil.

I think my two beautiful children and one amazing husband have something to do with that! Oh how I missed them…

I really enjoyed my time in the USA. But now I am ready to fully focus on being here.

I am home again. And it feels good. Really good.