Dugans InCahoots

Every year on Bella’s birthday, I have taken her on a special mommy & daughter date to a coffeeshop. This year we decided to have our date at home with her new special teaset. It was delightful.

We had “pink” tea, and stawberry filled cookies. Delicious.

We talked of princesses and swords and even tea party ettiquette. Notice the pinky?

We invited Caleb to join us. Aside from the cookies- he was rather bored.

Lilani choose to skip her morning nap to have tea time, however she refused to eat her cookies, or drink her tea. Instead she rested on the bench. Bella felt that was rather rude of her.

All in all, in thee five year old’s own words, “It was the bestest date ever. Can we do it again?”

And so we will!

Dear Miss Bella,

I’ve actually been sitting here for almost an hour trying to write you this letter.

I can’t.

You see, no words can really describe the flood of emotions I feel tonight. Tomorrow you will be five. I am holding back tears… Five!

My baby girl. My precious baby girl. I am so overwhelmed with love for you. Five years ago you stole my heart and changed my life forever. It’s been amazing watching you grow from a tiny helpless little babe, into a beautiful confident independant little girl.

You have blessed me. You have taught me. You have inspired me. You have melted me away with your sweetness. I adore your passion for life. Your courage is amazing. Your spunk tickles my funny bone. Your maturity and wisdom stops me mid sentence. You see, I am enchanted with the Bella that is you.

Tomorrow you begin your journey out of babyhood. I’d love to keep you in my arms forever.

But I can’t.

So Miss Bella Bella.

Grow.

 I am delighted. Delighted that I get to begin this new journey with you. I’ll give you the room you need to grow, but I’ll stay just close enough for you to reach out and grab my hand when you need it.

I love you sweet girl. You are perfect the way God created you. Absolutely Beautiful.

 Happy Birthday Little One.

 Love, Mama.

P.S. Sleeping Beauty is my favorite princess too.

You know it’s going to be one of THOSE kind of days when you wake up to your kids PAINTING with soy sauce.  Bella fessed up to being the ring leader. My daughter is creative- but this was a new high for her. It all went downhill from there.

I won’t go into details. But from a baby who morphed into a leech, to a little boy who was feeling a tad bit lonely and destructive, to a mama who put too much on her plate, to a spunkie, hyper Almost 5 year old, it was a LOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG day.

I am wiped OUT. Looking back at the day, I realize that I wasn’t exactly sweet towards my kids, so now I  basically feel like the world’s worst Mom. Ever have days like that? I have them more than I care to admit.

There is always tomorrow…

Lilani was screaming for the past two hours or so. It wasn’t her normal, I am a bit grumpy, a little over tired, I am just being a baby cry.

It was the : Mama, my tummy HURTS cry. The kind of cry that no amount of consoling, rocking, kissing or nursing will solve. Since cutting out dairy, she cries like this very rarely, but if she does, we are always able to pair her pain with something that I ate. Today I ate nothing unusual. Or anything that contained milk.

For breakfast I had mangoes and coffee with Soy Milk. For lunch I had beefies, rice, and broccoli. At dinner time, I had a peice of chicken and leftover rice. I prepared all these foods so I knew that there weren’t any dairy ingredients added.

So why all the crying?

As long as I am cooking from scratch, at home, the no dairy thing isn’t an issue. But going out is a bit more complicated.

As a special treat today Michael took us to McDonald’s to get ice-cream cones, and for your’s truly some hot salty french fries. They were delicious. I can easily pass up ice cream for fries!

Mmmmm….

But guess what.

With that salty greasy goodness, I also consumed milk.

You say what? 

On a whim I googled McFries and milk. And sure enough I found the culprit. I am shocked. My poor baby. McDonald’s fries taste SO good because they add milk ( and wheat for those allergic to gluten) to the oil they fry them in.

I am sad. Sad for Lili. Sad for the fry lover in me.

She is sleeping now, but my little treat has caused her atleast 24 hours of tummy trouble. It’s going to be a long night…

See I do exist. I really really do!

I have a ton of pictures of the kids but not alot of me WITH the kids. I think that is a little bit sad. I plan on handing the camera over to my husband more often so that can be fixed! I have trouble though releasing my grip from Mr. Nikon’s beautiful body…so sleek and shiny….ahhh…. ahem. Yes. My husband is aware of my ongoing love affair with Mr. Nikon. For the most part he is ok with our relationship.

My camera is my new found love. Sometimes I purposely don’t bring it out because I know if I do I might ignore everything else and everybody else around me. Like the screaming baby. I know. It’s horrible.

I hope upon returning to the USA that I will be able to first replace Mr. Nikon ( we have to sell him- but don’t tell him that yet. He would be heartbroken) upgrade mee lenses, and then take a few classes. I think that the community college have courses once in awhile. I’d like to get to know my camera better.

I’d also like to practice more. Any one up for a free photo shoot? You might not have a choice. If you are real life friends with me you can be sure that Mr. Nikon the second will be my sidekick. It is going to be so much fun!

You really are going to take my picture every week?

Yes I am.

Haven’t we already established that I am beautiful?

Yes we have.

And you still are going to take my photo every week?

You betcha baby.

Introducing my 12 week old Little flower.

When it comes to clothing and style, Bella and I have an understanding: WE DON”T SEE EYE TO EYE.  Bella seems to know what style is IN season for 5 year old girls. I am apparently clueless and rather boring. In attempt to avoid closet wars, I allow her to wear whatever she wants AT home, on cardrives, and to the supermarket. I like to think I am cool that way! I do intervene when it comes to church and visiting peoples homes, but I try to be as ridgedless as possible. I don’t always succeed. In fact I often fail. I hate to see the dissapointment in her eyes when I tell her to go change.

I do love that Bella’s personality shines through her clothing choices. She is a born model, mixing sassy with sweet. Most of her outfits cause me to chuckle. I know this phase will end one day… or  perhaps Not. I won’t be surprised if one day she dies her hair purple, and tattoos her body. She is an artsy fartsy kinda gal.

But non the less I wanted to capture my sweet girl in her element. I asked her to go into her room and dress up for a photo shoot. She was giddy with delight. Clothes were tossed left and right as she searched for thee perfect outfit! This is her being modest.

Look at that pose. Perfect! Let me mention that is was 95 degrees outside! And she is wearing tights AND two shirts! This outfit is typical Bella style san all the multi color bows in her hair. Why use one when you can wear 15?  Makes no sense to me, but does it really matter? She is happy with different colors, patterns, and textures. Who am I to stand in her way? Besides I love Bella for Bella.

The other night I went to bed before Michael did. As I was on my way, I passed by Bella’s room. She was in bed looking so sweet. Without thinking twice I scooped her up in my arms and brought her to my bed just so we could snuggle. She was half awake as I hugged her tight and brushed her hair back from her face just so I could kiss that freckle  again that has been kissed a million times already. Oh how I am in love with that girl. I was brought back to the first night I snuggled my little Bella Bella. I was in awe of how perfect, how delicate she was.  Almost five years later, that night when I held her close in the dark, is still vivid in my memory. I couldn’t believe she was mine. I still can’t believe she is mine!

Crazy girl! My daughter.

Or heart breaker. Your choice. Lili and I had a deal. She broke it. And my heart.

Our agreement was that she was to stay little itty bitty forever. And in return I would forever let her be the baby of the family.

Now just look at her. Those rolls are evidence that she chose to break our deal.

Sure I can’t get enough of that baby fat goodness. Nor can I refuse some chubby hand holding. Or dimple kissing.

But I already miss my little bean. Where did she go?