This so far has been a really hard week.
I haven’t been quite myself. But really who am I these days?
I don’t really remember what I was like Pre- Baby Bean. I hope that I was much calmer, more patient, less lazy, more energetic, more positive, more joyful… well you get the picture.
Today I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror ( something I try not to do so much these days), and I was surprised at how worn out I looked. I thought that I was “hiding” what I was feeling a bit better- apparently not! Perhaps if I brushed my hair..put on some make-up….? Nah, too much work!
I know exactly what it feels like to have a very energetic, active, and purposeful mind, but a body that just refuses to co operate. It is very frustrating when you have a load of laundry to fold, dinner to prepare, kids to love on, a suitcase to pack, a house to clean, and lists to make. Thankfully I have a very sweet and gracious husband who has been very busy filling my gaps, AND a mother in law who’s company and help with the kids is very appreciated!
But living like this just AINT my style.
I don’t like being dependent on others. I don’t like having a messsy house. I don’t like being impatient with the kids. I don’t like to leave things slacking. I don’t like feeling guilty all the time… and the list continues…
I was asked the other day if I have been experiencing culture shock.
No not yet. I am too busy in pregnancy shock to really absorb culture shock! Maybe this is a good thing!
Sigh.
I watched my father in law effortlessly get up from the breakfast table the other day, and wondered what that was like? To not have to take deep breaths? To map your route to the closest bathroom for vomiting purposes? To attack the day with gusto? It looked beautiful…
But what is really beautiful, is this little girl rolling around in my belly.
She has energy - you can tell by her swift kicks, and punches to my pelvis.
She is worth it.
And I say that with conviction.
I’d do it all over again, and again, and again if that meant she was safe, and healthy.
She is worth it.
And I can say all this without even seeing her sweet face, feeling her warm soft skin, or hearing her cry.
She is my daughter. I love her. We prayed for her in earnest for months before concieving her. And we are thankful for her every single day.
Oh Roomie!
I am sorry there are more challenging days than not while you are preggo. I am gratful that it will not last that much longer and you will be more comfortable while you sit, sleep, walk etc. and the breathing will not be so heavy and the tummy will not be kicked and punched any longer. It is so weird that in just one day when the baby comes out all that stuff ceases. I am super excited that you get to get to got to the States and get a starbucks or 2 (alright maybe ten) and hopefully eat some daritos. I will be praying and thinking about you traveling alone that everyone will go out of their way to treat you like a queen (hay often times the big tummy gets sympathy points awesome! first class sure, open the all the doors everywhere you go thanks, and then you will get all those smiles makes ya feel good) I know I am blabberin on but I love you and really check your blog everyday so basically it seems to me you live just down the road and we always get together to talk about our lives. Tell Michael hi for me!!
I love you!
Ah, motherhood.
Cari, never before have I related so much to a post on your blog! I am just beginning this journey called parenthood and man is it a wild ride!
In the midst of all the dirty diapers, no sleep, frequent feedings, trips the the doctor, and crying fits…
It’s so worth it! I wouldn’t trade our little Johan for the world.
Thank you for sharing your life with us and keeping it real. I have learned much from your accepting and positive attitude in the midst of some yucky circumstances.
Keep pressing on!