” But isn’t adoption sad Tia ? It’s sad and happy . I didn’t know I could feel so sad and so happy ” -Julia ( my sweet niece )
Oh sweet Julia . You know my heart . Last week Selah’s birth certificate arrived in the mail . I was shaking as I eagerly tore open the package , and my eyes welled up with tears of joy as I saw her name written in black : Selah Claire Dugan . Below it was my name as her Mother , and Michael’s as her father . The joy and relief that flooded my heart is indescribable.
She belongs .
We belong to her .
And yet with the joy , I felt sad .
Happiness and grief aren’t oil and water . They can co- exist together . I know this to be true with every fiber of my being .
Oh “S” .
I wish they allowed your name to be listed on her certificate because your name belongs there too . Above mine , because you were her Mama first . I will ALWAYS acknowledge that . It broke my heart to see your name missing , as if you never existed . As much as I love adoption some facets of it , make me angry , like how it minimizes you . It’s can be so unfair.
I promise you though that your name will NEVER be erased from our lips .
If someone tries to dismiss you , I will speak of your worth. If someone tries to tear you down , I’ll build you up . I’ll be your voice when you aren’t here to speak .
I will keep my promises to you . I’ll write you about every detail in her life , big and small . She won’t be erased from your life . You will be able to watch her grow , watch her flourish and see her shine .
These pictures are for you “S”. Look at her eyelashes , her chubby , rosey cheeks …
I love that she has your cute button nose , and your curly hair ! Even her toes are yours.
I love that you are a part of her . And she is a part of you.