all the arguing, tattling, hair pulling, pinching, fighting , yelling, competing…

There is some sisterly, brotherly love mixed in.

Which becomes the highlight of my day.

Look at her. She is just too cute for words. Do you know what is better than a baby sleeping?

A baby sleeping with red and white striped tights on… And even cuter than that?

Barefooted and snuggling a blankie. ( just look at those rolls!!!!)

Sigh.

Oh how I wish I could be her right now. That looks lovely.

My heart is heavy right now, and my eyelids are even heavier. This mama is tired.

Our plan to sleep train Lilani worked. Well, it kinda worked. Then her parents got together and messed the whole thing up! Oh… and her stuffed nose doesn’t help things either. Michael and I don’t exactly see eye to eye on her sleeping “issue”, and how we should handle it. So until we get on the same page whether that be my page, his page, or a different page all together. This little one gets to have a little more night time and day time loving! She is a happy girl. Gots her parents right where she wants them!

Isn’t parenting like that sometimes? You have a mama and a papa  and a baby ( babies). The mama has her own set of great ideas, ideals, expectations, and the papa has his own that are ( almost) as equally great. Somehow the mama and the papa ( for the baby’s sake) have to mush these ideas together. It isn’t always easy to Mush is it?

Especially when you are tired. The last thing I want to do is Mush when I am tired.

I kinda want to do things my own way, and I want the baby’s Daddy ( who is fantastic btw) to do it my way.

Yes.  I am kind of bratty, and a little bit spoiled. I also need more than three hours a day of sleep to function. Or I need to hire a nanny, a cook, and a maid. Any takers?

I think it is pretty official that we are going all going pretty stir crazy.

Let Caleb demonstrate:

See?!

So yesterday evening I got to go out on a little outing with a friend, to see another friend who just had a baby girl. ( The evening was delightful by the way)

This past year it has been a rarity that I go anywhere sanes kids, and it is my new mission to change that. I believe that when a mama gets a little air, she ALWAYS comes back home a little sweeter.

But the point of my story, is my daughter, and how she has picked up a few of her own beliefs.

As I walked out of the bathroom I over hear her saying to her friend.

“My mommy must be going somewhere. Cause she is wearing earrings. “

Hehehe. Apparently I am dressed to go out IF and only I have pretty ears.

Some Mama’s donne makeup, a nice pair of jeans, and a pair of heels.

Her mama?

Sweatpants and earrings.

I LOVE IT!

Hmmm…. you know when the baby sleeps. The mama also sleeps. And when the mama sleeps, well the world is a little happier. A lot Brighter.

Beautiful and full of wonder and color.

It’s as if the blinders of exhaustion have been released and I am a new Mama.

Thank you Lilani.

Thank you for taking TWO two hour naps during the day.

Thank you for going to bed without much of a fuss at a reasonable time at night.

Giving me some much needed cuddle time with your Daddy.

Thank you for sleeping until 5am and not waking again until 8am.

Thank you.

Mama is back.

Mama is happy.

Mama is rested.

And Baby is happy.

Yesterday Lili was sick so the last 24 hours or so we have actually backtracked from where we started on her sleeping. sigh…Last night she spent a good chunk of the night either in my arms, in my bed, or on the floor beside us.

As much as I love to rock, cuddle and hold her. I am tired. Very very tired. If anything, our lapse in training confirmed to me that getting up hour upon hour, in the middle of the night is insane. We all need more sleep.

I put her in her own bed to nap today and the little monster within her came out in full force protesting. Poor thing, it must be confusing to her that I would rock her one day and not the other. It’s frustrating to have to start all over again. I really don’t like being “stuck” at home. I seem to be one who likes things scheduled, and for the most part that is true. But I also like the freedom to bend, and go with the flow. Obviously until we get this wild child under control, I am house bound. Trips to the libary, to see friends, to go shopping, car drives are all put on hold…again… hmmmm who’s scheduling who?

Before her being sick, we were developing a pretty good routine. The house was clean, laundry caught up, the kids loved on, dinner was made on time, and I was feeling a bit more normal, and less like a lunatic. Having a taste of what life CAN be like with three kids, is what motivates me to try to train her again. Oh and the extra time with my husband was pretty nice too!

Please pray for us as we begin round two. This mama isn’t as strong as she was the first time around. I need some encouragement!

This is Lili’s newest Little friend. He lives upstairs and is only a couple weeks older than our Bean. So far the two of them pretty much ignore each other unless they are going for a fistful of hair, and we all know who that is since someone still doesn’t have any hair! You can’t tell from this picture but this kid is rocking  the brightest, cutest red hair that I have ever seen. He is amazing. And so is his Mama.

His mama came down for coffee the other afternoon, and we ended up pulling out our cameras and doing a mini photo shoot. It was fun. Both our ideas coming together, and focusing on one subject. Her Canon and my Nikon determined to make peace for a little while! It was interesting looking at each other’s photos afterwards. With two photographers you get two totally different views, and some pretty amazing pictures.

These past weeks I have been researching my little butt off in the photography world. It is as if I desire to grow came upon me over night. I have found that forums, flickr, and photography blogs are really insightful. My manual is my main sidekick as I have to refer to it constantly! Phewy! But I am also learning a ton just by listening to other photographers. I get frustrated if the idea in my head doesn’t come out exactly as I hoped in the photo, but I understand that this is just part of the process. I am falling in LOVE with this process.  

I am really enjoying this season of life. Hanging out with my ever growing, changing, beautiful babes. Making a home for my family. Creating a friendship with my Miss Bella. Bonding over Cars with Caleb. Snuggling Miss Lili. Kissing Michael as he walks in the door. Dabbling in something I love. Experiencing color. Reading under a blanket with a hot cup of Hazelnut coffee in my hand. Friends voices warming our livingroom. A messy kitchen. Toys underfoot. Foggy windows. The sun sparkling on white white snow. Laughter. Tears. Banana bread baking in the oven. Warmth.

Life.

It is beautiful.

Does it make me a bad mom for being secretly glad she didn’t make it? As fas as I remember I didn’t sign off on her growing up!

Want the bare nakie truth? This whole sleep issue my daughter has. Hmm. I am begining to wonder if the issue was with ME the entire time, and really had very little to do with her.

We have almost completed two full days of sleep training, and she is doing great. The first morning nap seemed to be a shock to her system. She was confused with the sudden change of pattern.  It took about 45 minutes of me picking her up when she cried, and putting her back down in her crib, before she just gave in, closed her eyes, and fell into a deep sleep. Later that afternoon, it only took about 20 minutes. Oh but her little pout, with her tear filled eyes staring at me…almost did me in. All I wanted to do was snuggle her close and rock her to sleep.

The Bare Nakie Truth?

 I felt like a Betrayer of the worst kind.

Last night she was fast asleep in 15 minutes by 8pm. I was floored. Really? That easy? She is a quick learner, and even though I know she isn’t a huge fan of falling asleep by herself, I think she may actually dig sleeping by herself. I’ll never know but I wonder if she would have been much happier if I actually made more of an effort a long time ago to put her in her own bed, in her own room.

Happier if I didn’t hold her so tight…

I figured, she needed me close.

Or well maybe I needed her. I needed that last baby snuggle.

Because Lili is our last, each milestone is  filled with both joy and bittersweet pain. I am longing to soak, squeeze and cherish every baby filled moment I can get with my Little Lili. My heart is bursting. It literally hurts. I don’t want my baby to grow up. Grow farther away from me. Need me less.

 That is the bare nakie truth.

Our middle of the night was rough. She has been taught that when she awakes, Mama will happily snuggle and nurse her to sweet sleep. It took about two hours for her to go back to bed. Sometimes she would cry in anger, but most of the time she was whimpering and struggling to get  comfortable and relax. I did enjoy listening to her babble in the dark, she even giggled a few times. I think she was delirious! I sat/stood by her crib and held her a few times when she really needed me.

The bare nakie truth?

 It felt good in those moment to be needed. To mommy my baby. These moments are numbered. Sometimes I hate truth.

Today was better than yesterday. Each time I lay her down, it takes less time, and less snuggles for her to drift off.We have actually hit the five minute mark! I am so thankful she is begining to understand that I still there for her, but so proud that she can go to sleep by herself. There are of course a few glitches to work out, her daytime naps should be longer, and I am hoping to get rid of that 3 am night time feeding… one day.

The bare nakie truth?

 I’m not in a big rush.

My heart can only take so much all at once.